Is Parental Alienation Causing The Problem?
Parental alienation may be causing your adult child’s silence toward you.
Parental alienation is tearing apart relationships between children and their non-alienating parents. Much of the conversation around parental alienation deals with younger children. But it can absolutely impact adult children as well, and it causes parental estrangement. If your ex has turned your adult child against you, this information is for you.
In this podcast episode (and blog post), I’ll walk you through…
Common signs of parental alienation involving an adult child
3 tips for handling parental alienation in ways that help you get your adult child back in your life
Read the blog below…
Parental alienation could be a contributing factor to your adult child’s distance
I want to talk to you about a cause of estrangement that isn’t addressed enough when it comes to adult children. I’m referring to parental alienation. You might have heard of this topic discussed about younger children, but it can also impact adult children, as well.
If the father of your child has turned your adult child against you, this applies to you. So let’s begin by clarifying what parental alienation is…
The concept of parental alienation was first brought to mainstream attention by Dr. Richard Gardner in 1985. It basically boils down to purposeful actions by one parent, designed to turn the child against the other parent for unjust or untrue reasons.
It often happens during or after a divorce, a breakup if unmarried, or during a separation. But parental alienation can happen anytime. I’m going to tell you some signs of parental alienation and then I’ll give you 3 quick tips as to what to do if this is happening to you…
Signs of parental alienation
Your adult child began showing signs of anger or resentment toward you after spending time with the other parent.
Your son or daughter is over-vigilant in defending the other parent.
Your ex makes negative comments to your adult child about you, and the adult child tells you about it later.
Your adult child treats you like your ex treated you when you were together.
The estrangement from your son or daughter began after you split up with your ex.
Your adult child had a lot of upset feelings about your divorce, or breakup, from their dad.
What to do if parental alienation is driving an estrangement from your child
First, you absolutely must avoid bashing the other parent in any way, even if they are doing it to you.
This means, you don’t defend yourself by telling your adult child what their dad did to you. Or the “real truth” about the divorce or anything else involving their other parent. Doing this only positions them to want to defend the other parent, and in doing so, it pits them against you even more.
Embody contrast to the behaviors the alienating parent accuses you of.
Your job here is to behave in ways that directly challenge the way the alienating parent has tried to portray you. It will be especially important to have a firm footing in your emotional regulation in order to successfully do this.
This is why emotional regulation is one of the first things I work with my clients on. Because without knowing how to immediately regulate your emotions, you will end up playing the exact role the alienating parent tries to put you in.
I believe that most alienating parents are sociopaths, narcissists or borderlines. I am not a therapist and that statement is not meant to diagnose anyone. I am telling you that because you need to know what you might be dealing with. If I am correct, these folks are very good at getting you to do their dirty work for them by baiting you and then sitting back and watching the show.
I teach you how to never give them that power over you ever again. We also work on how to communicate effectively with your estranged daughter or son, using a specific 4 part technique I created, called the LOVE Method.
Then, we craft your reconciliation plan, including the exact message you will use to open the door to communicating with your adult child again. We’ll have a plan for how to respond to the accusations the alienating parent puts in their head, and I will be there to support you every step of the way.
If this sounds like what would best support you, go to theestrangedmomcoach.com/schedule and apply for a free consultation call. We use that call to make sure we’re a good fit to work together, and then we can get you started on a path back to your child.
Give them room.
If your adult child has asked for no contact from you, give them some space. I recommend giving them a minimum of 90 days before reaching out to them. And even then, only do this after you’ve started working with an Estrangement Coach who has experience with reconciliation, and parental alienation.
I know you miss your son or daughter, but it’s better to wait until you’re truly ready to meet the challenges of this reconciliation, then to jump in before you have the right tools, and make things worse.
Listen, I know firsthand what it feels like for your ex to hate you more than he loves his child. And to be willing to emotionally hurt that adult child to harm you.
Believe me when I say there is hope to get your child back, and your ex does not get to keep calling all the shots if you decide to reclaim your power. And that is exactly what I am rooting for you to do. Your son or daughter needs their mother.
Okay, friend. That’s what I have for you this time, and I hope it blesses you.
Love, Jenny
Do you long for God-led, safe space where you can process, heal and get the guidance you need for reconciliation? I can help you. Go here to apply for your free consultation.
Jenny Good is a Podcaster, Certified Cognitive Behavioral Coach and Certified Family Estrangement Coach. She is a Thought Leader in reconnecting mothers and adult children, and specializes in family estrangement, reconciliation and emotional healing support for Christian estranged mothers.
