3 Ways satan Uses Guilt To Keep You Estranged From Your Child
Guilt is a tool the enemy uses to keep you estranged from your child.
The devil uses guilt to keep you estranged from your daughter or son. These guilt tactics can cleverly sneak in the side door and keep you stuck in the family estrangement for months, or even years.
In this podcast episode (and blog post), I’ll walk you through…
The guilt tactics the devil leverages to keep you estranged
How to release guilt and break free from the bondage it causes estranged mothers
Read the blog below…
Ownership gives you greater freedom and control. Guilt keeps you stuck.
Let’s talk about how the devil uses guilt as a means to keep you estranged from your child. Caveat here… guilt and ownership are 2 very different things.
I’ve noticed a trend of Christian people running with the idea that estrangement is absolutely 0% “their fault” They go all in on the idea that they could have nothing to do with why their child estranged. This is not only untrue, but it prevents them from reconciling with their child in many cases.
We have to lay down the black and white thinking. It’s not all your fault that your child estranged, AND there are also some things you can do to help repair the relationship.
So, when I speak about releasing guilt, I am not saying that you have nothing to take ownership of. We all do. But ownership and guilt are different things. Ownership gives you greater freedom and control. Guilt keeps you stuck.
One way the devil uses guilt to keep you estranged from your child is by using it to sabotage your other important relationships.
Guilt prevents you from accepting love and care from other people, because you believe you do not deserve it. You punish yourself by putting up a wall or being suspicious when other people try to love you.
You might not even realize you’re doing it at the time, but in the back of your mind, the guilt is running the show. The more you practice pushing people away, the more you will close off to your estranged child, causing you to be unable to heal your family. That keeps you estranged, and miserable as well.
The second way the devil uses guilt to keep you estranged from your child is by blocking you from getting the right guidance.
Holding onto guilt prevents you from getting the right support and guidance, because you believe it’s a lost cause. You won’t reach out to make the appointment with the estrangement counselor. You won’t invest in the estrangement coaching.
You won’t want to show up and do the work. Because the devil has you convinced that you’re stuck in a cage where you’re condemned and wrong, no matter what you do. What a hopeless feeling way to exist, right? But it’s a lie. You DO have hope. And this IS NOT a situation that’s past the hope of repair.
The third way the devil uses guilt to keep you estranged from your child is preventing you from creating emotional safety.
When you’re overwrought with guilt, you cannot show up in ways that feel emotionally safe for your estranged child. Here’s what I want you to know about the role of emotional safety in reconciliation…
No matter what the particulars are about your child’s reasons for estranging, it always comes down to one thing. All adult children who estrange do so because they are lacking a sense of emotional safety with you. 100% of the time, this is the case.
That might mean they feel you failed to see the depression they suffered as a teen. It might mean they believe you will disapprove of them if they say how they really feel.
They might believe you will ignore whatever they say so it won’t make a difference. Maybe they believe you will blow up at them. Whether real or perceived only, there is something making your child lack a sense of emotional safety with you.
To get your son or daughter back in your life, you have to build a sense of emotional safety with them. That’s what enables them to speak openly with you about their feelings.
When you get that door to open, knowing how to respond in ways that reinforce the sense of emotional safety is vital. But you cannot do any of that if you’re slump-shouldered, and living with a defeated mindset - because the devil has you bound and tied up in guilt.
Releasing guilt as an estranged mom
If you are feeling weighed down with guilt, it’s time to let it go. The first step is to repent to Jesus for anything you need to find forgiveness of.
The next step is to forgive yourself. That’s not always a one and done process, but it starts with one breath and one action at a time.
Write a letter to yourself… the version of you that made the mistakes. Tell her you love you. Show compassion to her. Tell her SHE IS FORGIVEN. When you’re finished with the letter, read it a loud to yourself one time. Just once. And then rip it up and throw it away.
That is a strong start to releasing the guilt. Holding onto it doesn’t make you better. It doesn’t heal the estrangement. It keeps you stuck. Sit with that. Let God lead, and then decide if it’s time to let go of the guilt.
I am rooting for you to say YES to the freedom God wants to give you.
Okay, friend. That’s what I have for you this time, and I hope it blesses you.
Love, Jenny
If you’re going through family estrangement from your adult son or daughter, I can help you. Click here to learn how I can help you with your estrangement situation. Or go here to apply for your free consultation to explore working with me as your Estrangement Coach.
Jenny Good is a Podcaster, Certified Cognitive Behavioral Coach and Certified Family Estrangement Coach. She is a Thought Leader in reconnecting mothers and adult children, and she specializes in family estrangement, reconciliation and emotional healing support for Christian estranged mothers.