Can you fix a family estrangement if only one person changes?

You’ve been doing some research about family estrangement, and you’ve come to the conclusion that you’ll need to do some inner work if you’re going to repair the estrangement from your child. You’re on board with that, and willing to own what’s yours to own… but what if your estranged daughter or son refuses to do the work themselves? Can the relationship truly be repaired if only one party is doing the work,? Can the estrangement end if your estranged child doesn’t see themselves as part of the problem?

In this episode (and blog post), I’ll walk you through…

Focusing on what you can control
How your child senses the positive changes you make - even if you’re not talking
How the relationship can still be repaired, even if your child isn’t “doing the work”

Click below to listen to the podcast episode, or skip down for a written version.

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Read the blog below…

Something I hear from estranged mothers is that they’re concerned that their son or daughter is resolute against changing, and therefore they think there’s nothing they can do to fix things.

A glimmer of a sense of hope…

In those situations, the estranged mother comes to me with a glimmer of a sense of hope, but she’s hanging onto it by a thread. She thinks it’s out of her reach, but something in her heart whispers for her to keep going. And she asks me if there is any way for her to heal the relationship with her estranged child if that child refuses to change. Maybe you’ve wondered the same thing.

You’re on board with making the changes you need to make

You’re on board with making the changes you need to make within yourself, but can a relationship repair if the healing is only happening on one side of the fence? If you’ve been feeling like there’s no hope for your family because your child seems so set in their beliefs and you think they will not change, I have great news for you.

you do not need for your estranged child to want to change in order to repair your family.

And that is great news because it means you’re not responsible for getting them on board with doing inner work on themselves. Instead, you’re responsible for the one thing you have agency and control over.. And that is YOU.

When you start making the changes that truly heal your emotional core, and bring you to a place of confidence, emotional regulation and sufficiency… when you make those changes, things begin to shift.

If you’re talking to your child at that time, they will notice the changes. They will begin to feel more emotionally safe with you, and they will eventually borrow your energy. Over time, your child is likely to take on your attitude of love, calm confidence and respect.

How does this work if you’re not in contact with your child at all?

You might be wondering how this works if they’re not talking to you at all right now. There’s a 2-fold answer to that question… the first part has to do with your God-given connection to your child. You might have heard me talk about the autopsy study before...

There was a study done on mothers ranging in ages from their 20’s into their 90’s. Researchers found that their child’s DNA was present in the mother’s brains 100% of the time.

If mothers are THAT connected to their children, even after decades since giving birth, then I am convinced that mothers have a strong and tangible connection to their children, even if they are estranged.

When you make shifts in your emotional healing and way of being in the world, I believe your child will sense something shifting in the atmosphere.

They might not know what they’re is sensing, but maybe you cross their mind in a positive way. Or maybe their heart softens so that if you reach out, they’re more agreeable to repairing things with you.

But whatever it is, they sense something pulling them toward you.

The other piece of this is that part of your journey towards a healed relationship involves getting the right support.

You need a plan.

For many, that looks like working with a solid, God-led estrangement coach. If you and I work together, one of the things we work on is your reconciliation plan.

I teach you how to respond to your child without reacting from a trigger. I teach you a powerful way of communicating with them, and we create a door opening message that’s designed to open the communication between your child and you.

So, even if you’re not talking to your child at all right now, you do not need to change them. You only need to work on you. The rest will fall in place in due time.

In your heart of hearts, you know that giving up is not the answer.

Your feet are being held to the fire right now… it feels hard, but there’s a part of you who knows there’s something more that can be done. In your heart of hearts, you know that giving up is not the answer.

Take comfort today, in knowing that you have more power in this than the devil wants you to know. You have the ability to bring healing to your family. And you don’t need any other person’s cosign to do it.

Okay, friend. That’s what I have for you this time, and I hope it blesses you.

What If Your Estranged Child Refuses To Change?