How do you end The family estrangement from your child if they refuse to talk to you?

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How do you end the estrangement with your adult child if they refuse to talk to you?

If you’ve followed my teachings for a while, you may have heard me say that forgiveness and radical love are the medicine that heals all estrangements. But a question came up in our Facebook support community for Christian estranged mothers, and I want to address it because it will help you know exactly what to do next.

One of the things I teach the estranged mothers in the support community is that forgiveness and radical love are the medicine that heals all estrangements. This is not what the secular world teaches, and I know of no other estrangement support professional who is teaching this concept.

But let me tell you, it sets my clients free. Because they have been told by therapists or estrangement coaches, that they need to just let their child go and move on.

Or that the only way to navigate this is to set boundaries that feel foreign and wrong to them. For the people who are “my people”, that advice feels terrible. Maybe you’ve been given similar advice and it felt horrible to you, too.

If so, let me just gently sit next to you in spirit right now, and tell you that I know that I know that I know - you do not have to draw lines in the sand, or enforce unnatural feeling boundaries. Nor do you have to let your child go and move on without them. Forgiveness and love…

That’s the medicine, and you are chosen to be the medicine matriarch. She is the version of you who dispenses “the medicine” and heals herself and her family. You have been called to do this. Do you know how I know that? Because God does not allow you to be attached to a wound that He also does not give you power to heal.

Is it that simple? Yes, it can be simple… but it is not easy.

Radical love is a reflection of your healing, your obedience to Christ and your commitment to breaking strongholds and assignments of the enemy against your family, and you.

But here’s the question that came up in the Facebook support community for Christian estranged moms… How do I practice radical love toward my estranged child if there is no contact between us at all right now? That’s a valid question. God gave me 12 answers to that question, and I’m sharing them with you…

🩷 1- Fast for your estranged adult child on a regular basis.

It could be once per week, once per month or so forth. If you cannot completely fast due to medical reasons, you can fast one thing such as coffee or tea.

🩷 2 - Pray for your estranged adult child in specific ways.

Make it a daily practice for you to set aside time to pray for your child, and if there is a gatekeeper spouse involved, pray for them as well. If you have grandchildren, of course, also include them.

Think about what evil spirits or conditions you feel are involved, and pray to break and destroy them from your child. So it could be a Jezebel spirit, a spirit of rebellion, Absalom, or so forth. It might be that you pray to break deception or to eradicate unforgiveness from their life.

And don’t stop at praying about what you want to get rid of. After we sweep the house, we want to intentionally decide what to fill it with. So pray for love, forgiveness, kindness, cooperation, desire to do God’s will… pray these things into the life of your son or daughter, and their spouse if applicable. And pray from a place of love, patience and kindness. Not from a place of being superior to them, looking down on them or wishing ill will of any kind.

🩷 3 - Meditate on pouring love over your estranged adult child, from your heart to theirs.

It is very easy, when you’re being mistreated or feeling abandoned and rejected, to fall prey to a sense of resentment or anger.

Meditate on pouring love from your heart to the heart of your son or daughter, and do this on a regular basis. It doesn’t have to take a long time… it could be a 5-minute meditation. At the end of it, ask Jesus to bless them and to help them feel His love, and yours.

🩷 4 - Write positive things over the situation and over your estranged adult child.

When you write things down, there is a powerful stirring that happens. It’s a display of faith, for one thing. Additionally, from a neuroscience perspective, writing things down causes what Neuropsychologists call the generation effect.

That basically means that when you write something down, it strengthens your brain’s encoding process and helps you remember what you’ve written.

I believe this act of writing it helps you actually interact with the concept you’re writing about. So when you write something positive about the estrangement, or about your child… you’re changing the way your brain handles it AND you’re demonstrating your faith, to Jesus. And belief is rewarded by God.

🩷 5 - Speake life over your estranged adult child.

The Bible tells us that the power of life and death are in the tongue. What you say has a massive impact on what happens. Speaking life over your child, even when they’ve hurt you, is an act of radical love.

🩷 6 - Remember a good memory or something you love about your estranged adult child when you’re out taking a walk.

What you focus on, grows. When you are out for a walk, or doing the house chores or whatnot… take a few minutes to recall a good memory or something you love about your child.

Doing this is an act of love that produces gratitude within you. And gratitude is scientifically proven to have multiple benefits to your health and emotional well being.

🩷 7 - Donate something in your estranged adult child’s name when it’s their birthday or Christmas.

If a Holiday comes where you cannot send something to your child, or a grandchild, that doesn’t mean you have to do nothing, and ruminate in the loss of that. Instead, pick something out you would have loved to have given them, and donate it in their honor. It could also be a monetary gift that you donate in their name.

Think of this as an opportunity to love them on that Holiday. Shift from “I have to do this because I can’t talk to them” to “I get to donate this in their name and I get to infuse it with love.” That simple shift from “I have to” to “I get to” makes a HUGE difference in how you feel.

🩷 **8 - Do your healing work.**

To heal the fruit, you must heal the root. And you, dear soul, are the root. When you show up and do your inner healing work, it’s an act of radical love toward yourself, and your child. This work is the foundation for the repair of the relationship.

Forgiveness and radical love grows from good soil, and you must be healed and whole in order to function as the good soil. If you’re experiencing estrangement, you are called to be the matriarch, and it begins with your healing.

🩷 9 - Learn new ways to communicate with your estranged adult child.

I’ve talked to plenty of estranged adult children in the course of working with their mothers, and here’s one of the things I can tell you… in almost every single case, your child and you want similar things… to be loved, witnessed and emotionally safe.

But often, you communicate it differently, and meanings get misunderstood. When you learn new ways of communicating more effectively, it’s an act of love. It prepares you to navigate a new relationship with them.

🩷 10 -Release pain and anger.

When you go through estrangement, you will either become better or bitter. If you hold onto the pain and anger too long, the bitterness becomes a stronghold. You can use specific tools and techniques to release the pain and anger so that you are free from the weight of it, and so that bitterness does not overshadow your love for your child.

🩷 11 - Forgive them.

Finding the courage and empathy to forgive them is a means to unlock the cage you’re in. It frees you, opens you to God’s forgiveness and helps you prepare for self forgiveness, too. Forgiving them is an act of radical love, and it is obedience to God’s will and His Word.

🩷 12 - Forgive yourself.

When you hold onto what God has already forgiven you for, you are disagreeing with GOD. Really think about that. It’s okay to exhale and rest in His forgiveness. It’s time to forgive yourself. This is a first step to calling your power home to you, and your child needs you to come from a place of calm confidence and God-given power. Forgive yourself.

1 Corinthians 16:14

14 Let all that you do be done in love.

Never let the devil convince you that you cannot practice radical love if you are not talking to your estranged daughter or son right now. You can, and you MUST, if you want to truly heal the estrangement.

This will grow you and stretch you. It might feel hard at times. But you were made capable of hard things when Christ works through you.

The medicine is forgiveness and radical love.

How To Heal Family Estrangement If Your Child Won’t Talk To You