Has your adult child turned away from Jesus and become a prodigal child?

There seems to be a surge of young adults leaving the Christian faith and turning their backs on God. In the Christian community, these children are known as prodigals. As a Christian mom, there are few things that would emotionally hurt you more than your son or daughter becoming a prodigal child.

You might feel helpless to reach your prodigal child.

You might feel helpless and lost in how to handle this, but you have God-given power in this situation. Part of your power comes from what you DON’T do. Today I am talking about 3 things to avoid doing when your child becomes a prodigal child. In this post, I’ll also tell you what to do instead.

You question yourself as a mother.

It can bring feelings of anger, hurt, grief, anxiety and shame. You may wonder if it’s your fault. If you’d been a better mother, or a better example. Maybe you should have done more of this, or less of that.

When something goes wrong with our children, society tends to look to the parents for a place to put the blame. So it’s no wonder that we would automatically blame ourselves when our child rejects Christianity.

Please know that we all make mistakes and fall short. If your child chooses to turn from God, it is his or her choice. You did not make it happen, even if you made some big mistakes as a parent. Rejecting God is a choice. You can’t be a formidable opponent to the enemy who is deceiving your child if you’re drowning in guilt, so take a breath and know that you did not make this happen.

You can’t fight your best fight for your prodigal child from a place of self blame.

Sometimes, a prodigal child feels the need to not only turn from the faith but also to say disrespectful things about Jesus, Christianity and Christian people.

I experienced this personally, and it cut me to the core of my being. If this happens to you, remember that the Bible instructs us to take thoughts captive. Do this sooner rather than later because if you allow their hurtful comments to burrow into your mind, you will be distracted and tormented by it. You can’t fight your best battle from that place. And this IS a battle for the souls of our children.

You need to be whole minded and focused. Pray for Jesus to heal your mind from any torment and pain caused by the words of your prodigal child. Ask Him to bind the pain and any thoughts of undue guilt and replace it with clarity, peace and calm.

So they’ve told you they do not believe, and you’re left reeling from the unexpected news. In the days, months and even years that follow, you might struggle with how to react, and what to say.

Finding balance as the mother of a prodigal child…

You want to do all you can to bring them back to the truth, but you fear that if you push too hard, they’ll go even further in the opposite direction. It IS a hard line to balance between advocating for the truth and not driving them deeper into deception, but with God’s help the impossible can happen.

In Mark 10:27 (English Standard Version) it says,

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.”

So take heart, friend. No matter how far away your son or daughter may seem, God can bring them back. As you process this situation, there are some things you want to avoid doing…

Reacting from a place of anger

We always want to respond instead of react. When we react, we’re coming from a highly emotionally charged place, and we may say or do things that make the situation even worse than it already is. Instead, tell your child you want to explore how they’re feeling and you’d like to talk about this once you’ve had a chance to process it a bit more.

If the situation is one where they are being belligerent about God, set the boundary that you would like to hear them out when they can be respectful about the topic but right now, you need to take some time to think this through - and then exit the conversation.

Get yourself out of the conversation until you’ve had the opportunity to think it through and get centered in prayer. If you can’t immediately exit the situation, and you don’t trust yourself to respond in a good way because you feel triggered at that moment, just hold your peace for the time being. It’s better to be silent than to say something that helps the averdary win the battle.

Spend some time praying, journaling out your feelings and talking with a trusted person such as a pastor, fellow believer or Christian coach.

Trying to make them feel guilty

While they SHOULD feel a sense of guilt if they reject the truth of God, you’re trying to make them feel guilty will backfire against you.

Instead, pray regularly about your prodigal child’s conscience. Ask Jesus to not allow them to be given over to a reprobate mind. Ask that He would help them to feel that their actions around this are wrong, and to put on their hearts to come back to the truth.

This does far more good than trying to appeal to their sense of right and wrong, during a time when they are blatantly rebelling against what is right.

Cutting them out of your life

You might feel tempted to distance yourself from your prodigal until he or she comes to her senses. While it is fine to set boundaries around not engaging with them if they are saying terrible things about God, you don’t want to completely cut them off from your life. If you do, you’re giving the enemy way too much leeway to be the guiding voice in your child’s life.

Instead, be an example of God’s light. Think about how Jesus loves people and model your responses from there. Be firm in your knowledge of what is right. Be loving in your responses, but also don’t bend to their way of thinking on this. Give them free will, as God gives it to us, and give them space to wrestle with this issue and come to their conclusions.

Be kind even if they are unkind. Be patient, even when they are demanding or abrupt. But in all of this, hold firm to what is right and true. For example, if they come for dinner, say grace before the meal, even if they don’t like it. If they protest, explain to them that you honor Jesus in your home and while you hope they join in the prayer with you, it’s their choice if they do. Don’t conform to their lack of belief, but remain calm and kind.

As you move along this journey, use the powerful tools available to you, to set the stage for your prodigal’s return. Pray. Fast. Speak Scripture over your prodigal.

Have like-minded believers join with you in prayer.

In Matthew 18:19 it says: Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

What if your prodigal child isn’t talking to you at all right now?

Sometimes, an adult prodigal child completely cuts off contact with their parent. This is known as estrangement. If you are in this situation, know that you are not alone.

2 words: S/spiritual warfare.

Double down on fervent and earnest prayer for your prodigal child. Have at least 2 other trusted people praying in agreement with you, if you can.

Be mindful of the words you speak over your prodigal child’s situation. Speak hope, life and faith. And do it daily. Read encouraging Scripture aloud. Use your voice to take authority over this situation.

Break spirits of confusion, deception and rebellion through your prayers and your words.

Ask God daily to keep your heart in a place of compassion and love. Ask Him to show you where you need to be soft toward your child and where to take a harder stand.

Get the right support.

Whether your child is still talking to you somewhat, or if they have become estranged, make sure you get support from someone who understands the prodigal child dynamic. Too often, parents isolate themselves in this situation and it causes unnecessary stress and harm.

Remember, God has not relinquished His position on the throne, so do not give up on your child.

3 Things NOT To Do When Your Adult Child Rejects The Christian Faith