Choosing Happiness NOW: Stop Putting Off Your Joy “Until”
Choosing happiness now: what if where you are is enough for this moment?
I want to talk to you about finding happiness in your present moment, and allowing your current progress to be enough for right now. Don’t think this does not apply to you because your life is not perfect, or because your estrangement is still ongoing. It absolutely applies to you.
This is a quote from the founder of Nike, and this is good information no matter how you feel about Nike as a company: “I spent all my career trying to get where I am today. But if I could be granted only one wish, I would go back to the challenging beginnings, to the time we almost went bankrupt. We felt alive, we were a team, every day and everything we did counted. And the victory was so sweet.”
I think sometimes the challenge of a situation can be exactly where we need to be. Where you are right now, even if where you are is speckled with confusion, hard decisions, uncertainty and feelings of rejection… or maybe you have seen some progress, but you haven’t gotten all the way there yet. Even if that’s the way it is right now, there is a precious quality about this time.
You never get to live this moment again.
When I was going through the estrangement from my daughter, it felt like one of the hardest times in my life so far. I felt rejected, unwanted by my child, hurt, angry and wounded to the core of my being. It was, without a doubt, a hard time. And for me, that lasted for a while… maybe a couple of years.
But within that container of pain and difficult feelings, there were also gifts. I believe my relationship with Jesus grew deeper because maybe I had made my children idols of sorts in my life. I leaned into Jesus more and more.
I was able to see the places where my own parents had failed me and finally “admit” some painful truths to myself about my upbringing. And I also feel complete forgiveness toward my mom and dad, and that is a very free feeling. I love them and I feel empathy toward them. I believe they loved me too.
In those realizations, my emotional healing grew and love replaced pain, more and more.
I arrived at a place of internal peace as I went through a refinement that was hard and painful. But there were moments of beauty and gifts of deliverance.
If you waste this time only looking backwards and longing for the past, 15 years from now, you’ll probably wish you had slowed down and appreciated the gifts of this moment.
We tell ourselves that we’ll be happy when or if <fill in the blank>. Maybe you tell yourself, you’ll be happy when you can stop thinking of your estranged daughter. Or you’ll get back to your life if your estranged son finally answers one of your texts or emails.
All of those whens and ifs might be nice to have, and they really might make you so happy. But here’s a true reality: even when or if you reconcile, there are still challenges to face. And your happiness does not have to wait for a better time.
There’s an estimate floating around out there that says your circumstances only account for 10% of your sense of happiness. I don’t know if that statistic is totally accurate, but I think it’s probably pretty close. I know that might seem to far from where you are right now, especially if your estrangement is newer. But please believe me when I say, I am proof that it’s true.
You get to decide how you think, and how you approach your circumstances. In this lifetime there will always be circumstances you dislike, and things beyond your control. So there’s no point in putting off your happiness for a time when things are different. Because yeah, things would be different, but not perfect.
Hear me on this: I don’t want you to throw away the good things God wants to give you. You can feel the grief of estrangement without refusing to embrace the gift of now.
There is beauty in your journey. Even if there are hard, messy parts, there are also parts to love. It doesn’t mean it won’t feel hard sometimes. It IS hard.
Just for today, what if you believed the current moment holds something beautiful? If you had to find the beauty in where you are right now, what would it be? Journal out your reply to that prompt and if you’d like to share it with me, email me at Jenny@theestrangedmomcoach.com and tell me what is beautiful in your life today. I’d love to hear from you.
With Love, Jenny
If you’re going through family estrangement from your adult son or daughter, I can help you. Click here to learn how I can help you with your estrangement situation. Or go here to schedule your free consultation to explore working together.
Jenny Good is a Podcaster, Certified Cognitive Behavioral Coach and Certified Family Estrangement Coach. She is a Thought Leader in reconnecting mothers and adult children, and she specializes in family estrangement, reconciliation and emotional healing support for Christian estranged mothers.