Guided Journal: How To Feel Happy When Family Estrangement Robs You Of The Reality You Envisioned
Opening to the possibility of happiness during family estrangement
Hello, friend. I’m so glad you decided to have a read on the blog. I hope you have your teacup and a cozy spot in your favorite comfortable chair.
I drink hot tea regardless of how warm it gets outside, but we’re getting closer to that time of year in Ohio when we can break out the sweaters, and the hot tea feels good to hold in your hands. We’re not there quite yet, but we’re getting closer.
I love late autumn and winter. But I’ve also learned to love the current season, even when it’s not one of my favorites. I want to talk to you this time about leaning into the life season you’re in, even when it’s not what you envisioned for this time of your life.
When your current reality is not what you had envisioned
None of us anticipated being estranged from our adult child. When we held that little baby, or put band aids on their scrapes as toddlers, we didn’t know they would make the decision to estrange in the future. You probably figured your adult child and you would go on outings together, have dinner at your home or spend Holidays enjoying each other’s company.
More than likely, you envisioned spending time with your grandchildren, making meaningful memories with them.
But in this moment, that is not how it’s unfolding. Family estrangement shook your world, and now you’re faced with learning to hold hope while living around the pain of estrangement from your child.
You might be experiencing feelings of sadness, loneliness or irritability. All of that can add up to a reality that’s very unlike what you pictured when you thought about this phase of life.
If that’s all sounding very familiar, I want you to know you’re not alone. And it does not mean that you’re doomed to feeling miserable until or unless your estranged child decides to end the estrangement.
Here’s something I want you to know about happiness
The estrangement is definitely causing you to think thoughts that makes you feel unhappy. But, in truth, what’s making you unhappy is occurring inside your brain. It’s coming from your thoughts. Your brain is working against you.
The good thing about that is that by learning to manage your thoughts, you can greatly reduce the level of sadness and upset you’re feeling. You cannot control your adult child. When you base your happiness on the actions or words of another person, you leave your mental health in the hands of that person, and that is not a good idea.
Instead, when you focus on what you CAN control, you get your agency and power back. You can control you. You can control your thoughts, your responses, your actions and your beliefs. And more than you might imagine, you can control your emotions.
Your thoughts create the perceptions that fuel your emotions. The Bible clearly tells us to focus on specific things and to take other thoughts captive.
What if you decided to think: I am responsible for my happiness and I will work on my healing and happiness.
I encourage you to think that thought on purpose, multiple times every day. Say it out loud, while standing in front of a mirror. Every. Day.
Your brain may try to tell you that you don’t have any answers, and that you have no idea how to be happy because things are not as you imagined they would be. Your brain can offer that thought, but you can decline to believe it. The choice belongs to you.
So let’s go back to the thought that’s more empowering: I am responsible for my happiness and I will work on my healing and happiness.
A guided journal lesson for finding happiness during family estrangement
Grab your journal and a pen; it’s time for some guided journal writing. Start by praying and asking God to open your mind and heart to His leading, and ask Him to speak through your pen.
Next, write down your answers to the following 3 prompts:
What’s one thing I stopped doing that I enjoyed?
What’s one way I can spend 1 hour taking a break from sadness right now?
What’s one thing I am thankful for in my life, big or small?
Look at your answer to the first prompt. Is the thing you stopped doing something you’d like to take up again? Maybe you used to crochet, or paint… or take walks every evening after dinner. When the family estrangement happened, that trauma might have caused you to step away from that thing you loved doing. Is it time to bring it back into your life now, even if just a little?
Reflect on your answer for the second prompt. Your central nervous system needs periodic breaks from the heavy emotions of family estrangement. y giving yourself just 1 hour of lighter emotions, you reset and strengthen your central nervous system. This is so important for your emotional well being.
Take a few moments to read your answer to the third prompt. Read it aloud and really feel the gratitude in your body. Notice what it feels like to be thankful for the thing you listed in your answer. Gratitude helps you be emotionally resilient, and can even help you sleep better and achieve a better mood.
I hope you say yes
Even when your current life doesn’t look like what you envisioned, you absolutely can feel happiness, and experience a hopeful outlook. Your reality today might not be what you planned, and at the same time, it can be enough for this moment. In fact, it could even be a time when you boldly choose happiness. Happiness might look different, and it might come in waves at first, but you get to decide to open the door to it. I hope you say yes.
With Love, Jenny
If you’re going through family estrangement from your adult son or daughter, I can help you. Click here to learn the ways I can help you with your estrangement situation.
Jenny Good is a Certified Cognitive Behavioral Coach, and specializes in family estrangement, reconciliation and emotional healing support .