How Often Should My Adult Child Text Or Call Me

How often should you hear from your adult child?

Adjusting to the role of parenting an adult child brings many new plot twists and turns. One of the question marks comes up around how often our young adults should be texting, calling or contacting us. 

So how often should you expect your young adult to check in?

The answer is: You should release all expectations about how often you’ll hear from your young adult. Whaaat? I know, I know. We miss them. We want to know what’s happening in their lives… and we kind of feel like they owe us a little of their time. Right?

Listen, mama, all those feelings are valid. But the reality is that when we try to impose our expectations, we usually end up feeling hurt, upset and let down. It also creates an atmosphere of pressure, and that repels our kids from contacting us, which defeats the purpose in the first place.

When your son or daughter leaves the nest, they’re in a stage of individualization. That basically means they need to find their own voice, their own footing and their way of being in the world. And they need to do that somewhat independently from you as the mom. 

During that time, your young adult can feel a push-pull where they sometimes feel like a kid, and other times they want to be totally independent. This is 100% normal and a healthy part of transitioning into adulthood. Their contact might be sporadic as they move through this phase. Parenting an adult child isn’t such an easy task, and it’s okay for you to feel some mixed emotions when you don’t hear from your son or daughter for a while. Just don’t make it mean something more than it means. 

Even after some time has passed, every adult child can be different in how often they want to contact you. If you have more than one child, you may notice one of them contacts you daily while another may only call or text every couple of weeks. Both situations are okay. It doesn’t mean anything went wrong.

If your goal is encouraging communication and having a strong relationship, the best thing you can do is allow them space to contact you when they want to. Avoid guilt tripping them or questioning them about why they don’t call more often. When your young adult feels freedom and an open door policy around your relationship, they’re more likely to get in touch more often. And really, wouldn’t you rather know that when they reach out they really wanted to, instead of doing it more from of a sense of obligation?

You can text them periodically and say good morning, or I hope you have a blessed day. But try to limit those contacts so as not to push too hard. 

This is a season, and seasons change. Remember this is not forever, so just exhale and let it be enough for the moment.