Parental alienation might be playing a role in the estrangement from your adult child.

While some people might think of parental alienation as something that happens only to minor children, it can also impact adult children. Your alienator might have you convinced that it’s not really happening or that no one would believe the truth. It can leave you feeling isolated and unsure of what to do next. It can rob you of the relationship with your adult child.

In this episode (and blog post), I’ll walk you through…

What parental alienation is
Should you try to prove your alienator is lying
3 powerful ways to fight for the relationship with your adult child

Click below to listen to the podcast episode, or skip down for a written version.

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Read the blog below…

When my youngest son was around two years old or so, I split up with his dad. His dad had mental illnesses that he was choosing to self medicate with alcohol. He was a diagnosed sociopath with bipolar and anxiety disorders. It had been a difficult journey.

He did not take my leaving him well. I remember being in his parents driveway, where he lived at that time, and he told me that someday he would turn our son against me. He said that he was going to tell him that I kept him from seeing him, which I had not.

I said, “You know that would be a lie.” And he replied to me that he knew that, but his son would believe him, not me. So I began saving different conversations that went on between us via message or email, because I feared that there would be a day when I needed to prove to my son that allegations from his dad were untrue.

Years later, his dad did try to tell him lies about me in order to destroy our relationship and to strengthen his position. It was like, even though I was the one who stuck around for my son through the hard times, his dad was now the “hero of the story”. Can you relate?

At least a while, it worked. My son believed him and cut me off for a while. It has happened more than once. My son goes back and forth between believing his father, and knowing better. Here’s what I want you to know about that…

Dealing with an alienating parent is a lot like steering a car out of a skid in the ice.

You swerve left of center. Then to the right. And it keeps happening for a while. Eventually, if you don’t panic and just steer into the skid, it straightens out. But if you panic and jerk the wheel or over-correct, it gets worse.

With my son, I know that if I stand in my God-given power, sufficient and confident… being kind, radically loving forgiving and truthful… eventually the back and forth will end and we will steer out of the skid.

In the meantime, I make room for him to have moods I don’t like. I make room for there to be periods where he goes quiet. I make room for him to figure out who his father is without me pushing him to get there.

That is how you steer out of the skid when you have an alienating parent who hates you more than they love their child.

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Should you try to prove to your child that the alienating parent is lying to them?

Saving those conversations to prove to my son that his father was lying, did not work. My son refused to look at them. He didn’t want to see the truth in black and white, because then he would have to face that his father is who he is.

I want to set you free from the burden of doing the same thing I did. I know what it feels like when you're afraid that no one's going to believe you. You go into a trauma response of trying to save everything to prove your case, as though you will be on a trial in court. That does not feel good, and it keeps you in this hyper vigilant stressed out state.

I don’t want that for you. If there are things that you truly need to save for legal reasons, then of course go ahead and do that. But be careful that you don't slip into a place of being over vigilant and thinking that you have to prove everything you say or do, to defend yourself.

That is a burden you don’t need to carry, and in the end of things it probably won't make a difference. People who are dedicated to misperceiving you will continue to do so even when you have proof. The answer is simpler than saving all the things. The answer is always forgiveness and love.

So, let's talk about parental alienation…

It plays a role in some estrangements, for sure. If you're unfamiliar with that term, parental alienation is when the father of your child turns them against you through means of manipulation and other negative and psychologically abusive behavior.

Parental alienation happens with adult children, not just younger ones.

While the issue of parental alienation is often addressed more regarding minor children, it can also happen with adult children. If this is happening to you, I want you to know that you are not imagining it and you are not alone.

Your alienator hates you more than he loves your son or daughter. I want you to let that sink in. Your alienator hates you more than he loves your son or daughter.

Don't try to reason with your alienator. He's not logical. Do not try to appeal to his humanness. He is acting from a more depraved place, even if he puts on a good act sometimes.

There are a few things that you can do right now, and I'm going to list those out for you.

Pray for God's protection over your child and yourself every single day. Also pray for your alienator.

That part might feel very difficult but you are capable of hard things. Your obedience will not go unnoticed by God.

Repeat these Bible verses aloud every day.

Luke 12:2

2 Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.

Isaiah 54:17

no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed,

and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.

This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord

and their vindication[a] from me, declares the Lord.”

Psalm 25: 20-21

Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!
Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me,
for I wait for you.

Get the right support.

One of the hallmarks of dealing with an alienator is they can make you feel very alone, as though the whole world agrees with them and is against you, or would never believe you. That is the devil working through them, and the devil is a liar. There is support and help available.

If you are going through alienation but you are not estranged from your son or daughter, I encourage you to go on the internet and do some Google research. Look for someone who has a Christian belief and specializes in parental alienation.

You might also look for someone who specializes in co-parenting with a narcissist, because your alienator might exhibit signs of narcissism, borderline personality disorder, sociopathy or something similar.

I am not a mental health diagnostician. I am just saying from a lay person's view that your alienator may suffer from one or more of those disorders. So a narcissistic parenting coach could be helpful.

Here’s how I can help…

If you are suffering from both dealing with the alienator and having an estrangement with your child, I can help you. Now you're in my specialty zone.

I can help you heal emotionally and become more resilient. I can teach you how to show up and communicate in ways that are going to best position you with your estranged child. We can work on your personalized reconciliation plan, so that when the time is right, you know exactly what to say to your child to open a conversation that is productive and healthy.

You will learn a five-step tool that will help you never get into the pool with your alienator ever again. As of that moment, they lose all control over you, and you are no longer subject to being triggered by their words or actions.

All of this is vital for your emotional healing and to repair the relationship with your child - who has been a victim of their father, unfortunately.

If this sounds like what you're looking for, set up a time for a free consultation HERE.

Listen, I know firsthand how upsetting it is to deal with someone purposefully trying to destroy one of the most important relationships in your life. Take a breath, exhale. You want to come from a powerful place of response and not a disempowered place of reaction.

It's okay to take some time to rethink, regroup, and get your emotional footing. I hope that you walk away from this episode feeling even slightly more powerful, witnessed and loved. You are not alone.

Okay, friend. That is what I have for you this time, and I hope it blesses you.

Parental Alienation Impacts Adult Children Too